“Oh man. Did you turn off the stove?” Cooper asked with a hint of worry.
“Uh, let me think here… yeah? I think so.” replied Clyde with an unsure voice that bothered his partner.
“You think so or you know so?”
“I know so.”
“But you see, now I’m not convinced, because a second ago you had to think about it, and all of the sudden it just hit you?.” Cooper was becoming visibly annoyed.
“Listen, I had to run my memory back through my whole day just to figure out if I left it on or not. You always act like this. I mean, do you want the answer or not? God.”
“I want my house to still be standing when we get back.” retorted Cooper.
“If we get back.”
Cooper knocked on the wooden panel attached to the driver’s door. “Dude, are you serious right now? What did we talk about?”
“You’re insane. You want me to put a dream catcher in here or something? Maybe do a little rain dance?”
“I’m not superstitious, we just can’t afford to take any chances.”
There was a moment of silence.
“We’ll be fine.” Clyde added, obviously contemplating over what his partner had just said.
Next came another, longer moment of silence. The two men continued down the highway, both filled with concern, and neither ready to show it.
The glass finally shattered when Cooper said, “Here’s a crazy thought. So like, in dreams right? You’re not really like in control I guess you could say. You sort of float from one place to another without any real connection. But like, obviously someone is controlling it. So basically, you on the outside, like the you that is sleeping in real life, is using mind control on this other version of you in the dream. Right?” “Okay… I’m with you so far. I mean there’s a lot more science behind it than what you’re saying, but okay.”
“So, all of that to say, how do we know we aren’t still in a dream? Crazy thought right? But maybe it isn’t. What if this Judeo-Christian idea of ‘God’ and this ultimate creator is just us? What if like we are God? What if you aren’t real, but only a projection of what the real me has seen outside of this world? Like basically, in a dream, the real life me is the God of that dream because I created it right?”
“Oh wow. That makes perfect sense actually. Yeah yeah yeah, like we’re just God and stuff, yeah yeah yeah.” Clyde replied in an utterly sarcastic tone that was completely lost on Cooper.
“See? You get it. Wow. I really thought I’d have to-”
“Dude. Shut up. My god. This was a horrible idea. How far are we?”
“We’re like fifteen to twenty minutes away. But dude, I mean seriously, what argument do you have against what I said?”
“I mean it’s just insane. What about free will? I mean if you wanted to, you could drive us right off this freeway and into that tree… not?”
“Okay wait. Hold on. Let me think.” he paused for a moment and then said, “Oh oh wait. Lucid dreaming. Like when you can actually control what you’re doing in your dream.”
“This whole conversation feels so pointless.” “Now wait just a minute. You’re just mad because I actually had a good answer right? Right?” Cooper started to playfully punch Clyde on his arm.
“Seriously, how old are you? Why do you act like this? I swear to God once we’re done here today I never want to see you again.”
“I know you don’t mean that. Just think about all the good times we’ve had together. All those times we went fishing, and all those times we ate out at a nice italian restaurant.”
“Dude, we went fishing like two times.”
“We definitely went fishing at least three times. There was that time out in Monroe Bay, and then we rented that canoe out in-” “You’re impossible. Are we really going to debate about the number of fishing trips we’ve been on?”
“Listen, you’re the one that brought up the amount of fishing trips.” Cooper replied.
Clyde took an over-emphasized deep breath to demonstrate his frustration and then said, “Okay, it can't be more than a few minutes now, right? So I’m going to sit here, and look out this window, and you’re not going to say another word. Kapeesh?”
“Rawr!” Cooper stroked his hand through the air like a house cat would, but then he obeyed his partners directions… for a few minutes.
“Hey, uh, Clyde? I know you don’t want me to talk till we get there… but uh, I gotta tell you something.”
“I swear to God if this is some lame joke right now, I am going to be very upset. What is it?”
“Okay, don’t be mad but uh… we’re outta gas.”
Clyde was always scarier when he was quiet than when he was shouting. This was one of those moments.
Clyde very calmly said “Oh. You forgot to fill the tank before we left? Oh, alright. That’s cool. No biggie. I’m sure it’ll work out fine.”
“You’re not upset?”
“What? No, no, no! Me? Upset? How could I be? It’s not a problem! Just call Triple A, have them come out to tow us to a gas station... and PRAY TO GOD THEY DON’T SEE WHAT WE HAVE IN THE BACK SEAT! YOU IDIOT! Oh wait, I forgot, you are God or something right? We’re all God in a dream or something? Hmm? I guess we can just pray to ourselves. You really screwed us this time Coop.”
“Listen, it’s not that big a deal. I’ll pull onto the shoulder, we jump out, hide the stuff under the back seat, and then I’ll call Triple A. Badda bing, bada boom.”
“Badda bing, bada boom. Yeah alright, well when we get arrested, just know I’m ratting on you completely. I’ll pin the whole thing on you… I could care less at this point.”
Behind his breath Cooper chimed, “It’s actually ‘couldn’t care less’.”
“Don’t.” And so they did as Cooper planned. They pulled off the road, hid their equipment, and called their towing company. This would have been a great plan… if only they had a better towing company.
The lady on the phone presented the situation as plainly as possible, she said, “I’m very sorry sir, but we will not have a tow truck available for another hour, and it may even be closer to two. All of our drivers are currently busy.” “How is that even possible? All of them? Okay, whatever, thank you.” He hung up.
“That didn’t sound good.” Clyde snarked.
“Yeah, so the guy won’t be here for like an hour or two.”
“What a mess. What an absolute mess. Let’s just go home. Let’s just wait for this guy to tow us home.”
“No way! We’re like basically there. This can still work, I promise. We can just sit in here and talk till the driver gets here.” Cooper stated.
“I promise you… for a fact… this is literally not a joke… if I have to talk to you for the next two hours… only one of us will leave this car.”
“You’re so dramatic. Who made you like this? It’s so annoying.”
“For the benefit of this job, this friendship, and your well-being… I’m going to sleep in the back seat until he gets here.” Clyde said as he slithered into the rear.
“I see how it is.” Cooper announced, obviously frustrated.
And so they waited. Cooper just sat and stared at the passing traffic, while Clyde looked up at the ceiling, apparently wondering where he went wrong in life.
By the time the tow truck finally arrived, the sun had begun to set.
“Hey, hey Clyde, the truck’s here.”
“Thank the lord.” He said as he popped out of the back seat.
The driver came over and made them sign some paperwork. He tried to strike up a conversation with the men but Clyde instinctively shouted at the man.
“I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day, and we really gotta get to this gas station.”
With a look of forgiveness in his eye, the driver said, “Hey, look man, I get it. We’ve all had a long day.” He even threw in a little chuckle before his mood completely shifted, he stepped close to Clyde, and threatened, “But if you ever talk to me that way again, I will drop your car off a bridge with you in it. You hear me?”
Clyde stared blankly as the driver walked back to his truck.
“Come on, get in. I don’t have all day.” He yelled back.
Clyde looked over to Cooper and whispered, “You’re not going to say a single word during the duration of this ride, okay?”
Cooper nodded in agreement.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
When they finally reached the gas station, the two frightened men thanked the driver, and began to fill their tank.
Once the driver was gone, Clyde looked over to Cooper and said, “Okay, this is it. We are minutes away from doing this thing. The plan’s clear right?”
“Of course it is.”
“Okay good. This is serious business, and if you screw up even slightly, you could get us both killed. Got it?” “Got it.”
The two men got back into their car, and began to drive to their final destination.
“You think this is what Paul Revere felt like?” Cooper piped in out of the blue.
“What? Where did that come from?”
“Like when he was yelling ‘The British are coming!’, do you think this is how he felt?” “These are completely different situations, and besides, that’s not even what he yelled. He would’ve said ‘The redcoats are coming!’, because otherwise the people in town would’ve been confused… they were all British at that point.”
“You just know everything huh? That’s not what I meant obviously. I just meant the actual feeling in the air. The excitement and everything.”
“I don’t know. I honestly feel more like Custer. There is no way this ends well.”
Cooper compulsively knocked on the door panel again. “Yes it will. I have faith.”
“Okay Mr. Shaman, well this looks like the place. Let’s get the stuff out of the back, and get this over with.”
As they pulled into the parking lot, they realized that something was off.
“Wait, wait, wait. Where are the cars?”
“Maybe it’s just empty right now, I mean it probably is almost closing time. Let’s just go.”
“No. Hold on. It’s a bank, there’s no way it’s empty. And even if it were just empty, the employees’ vehicles would still be out here. Something’s wrong.”
“The less people that are here, the better. Fewer witnesses, fewer people to call the cops… come on already.”
Cooper’s assumption was correct. As he scrolled through his phone to find his calendar, he was filled with dread. He flipped through August, September, October, November… and his worst fears came true. Outlined in red, it said, National Holiday: Veteran’s Day.
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