What To Do and What Not To Do When You Poop Yourself In School
A Blog by The Deizzle
Let me set up the situation of what may or may not be based on a true story. Your stomach is bothering you real bad but the school day just started. It's finals week in high school, and you're starting your day in English class, taking a final for a teacher that you don’t like because she is just not very nice to white males who don’t give 2 damns about a subject nor a predicate. So your tummy hurts from the greasy ass food you probably had last night, and you gotta go number 2 real bad, but you can’t leave because your English teacher will not let 2 people leave at once. So the guy with a 50% in 9th grade English class is vaping for the last 20 minutes, and you have to wait 'til he gets back. The clock is ticking... you can’t focus on the English final that you're def failing, your stomach is literally crying for help, and you're wearing see-through white shorts like a bozo. You feel something coming and you need to let it out because you might explode. It's not a fart. Here is what you do do (Get it? Do-do like poop... hehe).
What to do:
Step 1 - Tell the teacher you just dookied yourself
She will understand that you just pooed yourself because you will smell like poo
Step 2 - Go to the bathroom and clean that crap up immediately
The faster, the better... and hopefully only a little got out, and it did not leak into your white see-through shorts
Step 3 - You might smell like shit for the rest of the day, and you will have no underwear on, but at least you got it all out of your system, and you can go on with your day by only losing one pair of poop-infused undies and a little bit of dignity
Only tell the real homies what happen, they might laugh but they got your back (hopefully)
Step 4 - Go home and shower to get yourself clean, and also clean your mind from the day that you just lived through. Also make sure that next time you drop a log on your English teacher's desk
Might get you suspended, but with a good lawyer you'll be alright
What not to do When You Do-Do (I’m on fire):
Step 1 - Do not sit in your own poop and finish a final while you wait for the vape God to get back, only to go to the bathroom and find out that there's 1 cup of liquid farts on your cheeks, and it's starting to infuse into your underwear and soon your shorts
It's only a 9th grade English final. It's not that important so when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Step 2 - Do not keep your poo infused undies on... you gotta get rid of them
They are not going to do you any favors in this shit-uation.
Step 3 - Do not deny that the smell of dung is coming from you... everyone and their mom knows it's you, just ignore them
Hopefully they also don’t see the brown streaks coming through your white shorts
Step 4 - Do not keep this information completely private... you cannot defend this problem by yourself.
Phone a friend if necessary
What we learned:
If you are ever in a situation where unforeseen brown liquid or solid is in your undies or pants, please remember that the first step is to let someone else know no matter how embarrassing it is. It’s the first step to success on the road that leads from the rock bottom of your life up unto this point in time. Also, if you ever see someone poo themselves and they are not following the first step, introduce yourself and help them out. Sometimes a lifelong friendship can come from it, as you guys will have been through a lot of shit together in the beginning of the friendship.
And remember to say “thank you” when someone holds the doors open for you… even if they didn’t help you when you pooped your pants.
Follow me on Twitter @TheDeizzle for more content as seen above.
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